she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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