I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
