if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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