I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
