I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
