I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
