Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
