i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
