operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize