I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
