I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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