how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize