i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
