i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
