I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
