i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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