ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
this hospital has no fireball
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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