you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
