...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
