He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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