Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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