"it" just moved
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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