would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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