what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
