I need to stop coming to work sober
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
