I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
