Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
