i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
