Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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