No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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