I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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