Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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