So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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