so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
