Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
