After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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