I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
