I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
