what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
