So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
