Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
