He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
