I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im six kinds of drunk right now
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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