Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
