Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
