She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
