y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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