you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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