He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
