Too much gin, very little bucket
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize