I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
