we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
