I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i love accidental penises.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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