I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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