I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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