my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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