Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Found the puke drawer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
