We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
