Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
