It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
