tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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