it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
