Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
