i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pants are for mortals
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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